A Little Frustration

So, it's been a while since I have blogged. It's 2:00 in the morning and I can't sleep, so I thought I would come type out some of my frustrations. There has been a lot happening in our lives. Matt has been trying to find a job and has interviewed with the Boy Scouts, we were suppose to hear something yesterday, well he hadn't heard so he called them and they offered it to someone else. Our family had been praying so hard for him, which I'm very grateful for, thanks fam. But, we are in Arizona and after we got that news, I just started bawling. I don't understand why the Lord hasn't allowed us to find a job. Matt is trying very hard and has had great management experience, but for some reason I guess he hasn't found the job the Lord wants him to have. I felt horrible yesterday, our whole family got together last night at Mike and Amy's and I couldn't even talk to anyone, because I knew I would just start bawling and I didn't want that and I didn't want them to think I was on a pity party, that's not what it is, I 'm just frustrated. I know the Lord loves each of us and has a plan for each of us, I just really knew what it is. It's hard to sit back and watch my husband have to go through all of this and not feel like a man and a good husband and father. It really hurts. Thankfully Helena reminded me that I just need to have faith that it will all work out. THANKS, Helena, I love you so much, I hope and pray that I will have the kind of faith that you have, because mine isn't so strong right now. On top of all of that, I had surgery on a hernia. It didn't quite go as planned, the hernia was bigger than they had expected, hence the recovery has taken a lot longer than I want. It has been frustrating not being able to pick up Colton and feel like a mom and wife. I have had inflammation in my chest cavity and my wrist still isn't 100% . It's really bothering me, I feel useless and inadequate. I try my hardest not to complain, but I just want to heal and I want to be healthy and quit having things go wrong with my body. We are in Arizona right now, which has been so fun, I love being with my family. I miss them so much! Being around them has reminded me that I need to be thankful for my blessings, I have been blessed with such a wonderful family. I have been caught up in my own problems and haven't been myself lately and being around my family has made me realize I need to count my blessings. My nephew Brody turned 1, I can't believe how fast he has grown and how fast the time has flown, for me anyways. He is such an adorable boy, so full of smiles and laughter. Gavin, his older brother has grown leaps and bounds, he is so smart and is not so little anymore. Sammy, got baptized, I am so proud of her and her decision to become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can't believe how grown up she is. Then we have Keagan, wow what a handy man, he is in the first grade and loves to use his tools to fix things. Kyler is so funny, he says cute little things all the time. Cloie, has grown and is such a little hugger and a great back scratcher. Anika is also full of smiles and laughter. Now for my brothers and sister in laws. They are amazing and I admire and look up to each one of them. Chris achieved Executive Enrollment Counselor, I am so proud of him. From what I understand not many people achieve that. He is such a strong man and a great brother. I love him so much. Helena, has been a huge help since I've been down here. I've really needed your little pep talks, thanks for everything and for listening. I miss being around you. I love you so much. Mike keeps me laughing, I've really needed that, I love you. Amy, you have been a great listener also , thanks for being positive and supportive, I miss being around you, I love you. I'm so grateful for each of my family members they have all reminded me of what is important. I'm thankful I have their faith to fall back on when mine hasn't been so strong lately. So, family, I'm sorry that I have not been myself since I've been down here and I'm sorry that I haven't been able to talk about it, I haven't wanted to bawl in front of you. I hope you each now how much Matt and I love each of you and are so very grateful for your love and support. Please forgive me for not being myself and distancing myself this trip. I have had a lot on my mind and have not wanted anyone to worry. Dumb, I Know! I will post pictures of our trip when we get home.