Tuesday night June 7, I had a hard time sleeping and just kept getting the impression, that our baby was a little boy, we had picked out the name Devin Matthew for a boy, and I felt that, this was who it was, but at the same time, I knew that he wasn't going to be with us very long. I was hoping I was wrong, that I was just paranoid. But at the same time I felt at peace, and knew that if that was to happen everything would be okay. I longed and ached for our little boy, I told him how much I loved him. And how proud I was of him. I knew he must be really special to be able to have the opportunity to return with Heavenly Father. Well I went to bed, trying to sleep. Hoping that what I felt would not be.
Devin Matthew Funk was born Wednesday, June 8, 2011. He immediately returned to our Heavenly Father. I was heart broken. I knew something was wrong. I woke up around6:00 am and started bleeding heavily. I saw what I thought was a placenta, and immediately looked through it, because I didn't want my baby to go down the toilet. I didn't find anything, so I thought maybe the baby is okay. I woke Matt up, and called the Dr. I actually called the ER and they paged the Dr on call. Dr Norda called me back and said not to worry, he could see me at 8:15 am, or I could just go to the ER, I explained a little more what was going on, but because I wasn't cramping or light headed or any of the normal symptoms of a miscarriage besides the bleeding, he thought I would be okay. But, he recommended I go to the ER just to be safe, especially where we lived in Richmond. So, Matt called mom to come over and sit with Colton. When Colton asked what was wrong, I told him,"I don't think mommy has our baby in her tummy anymore." Colton, started crying,"No, mommy, I want my baby, mommy." It just broke my heart even more.
Mom came and we left. I kept praying all the way in, please don't let this happen, but if it did, please let us be okay, and let Matt be okay. On our way to the hospital the Hospital Operator called me back, wanting to make sure the Dr called and how sorry she was, and hoped everything would turn out okay. We arrived at the ER what seemed like forever between Richmond and Logan. They checked us in at the desk, then we waited and waited. I just couldn't believe this was happening, I had just seen the baby last week and heard the heart beat, and everything seemed fine. Finally the nurse came and got me, it was Lorraine, Natalie's mom, and she isn't the best at bedside manners. She tried to take my vitals, and my first blood pressure reading was 177 over 101, she said, wow, that is high, are you a little stressed? Well, DUH! The second one wasn't much better 167 over 100, finally the Dr came in . Dr Whitaker, and talked to me and asked what had happened, then explained what we were going to do. He wanted blood work done, then he would check my uterus and see if there was any tissue. Then we would do an ultrasound. Well, I wanted the Ultra sound first, didn't these people know that I just wanted to see my baby in me, like I did last week. Well, Matt was so good and just kept talking to me and trying to keep me calm. A second nurse came in and started my IV and she was so gentle and sweet and caring, she gave me a hug as I was crying. Dr. Whitaker was amazing, so gentle and caring. When he did the uterus check, he said everything looked fine and didn't see any extra tissue and the uterus was closed, which was a good sign. So, the next step was the ultra sound. An ultrasound STUDENT came and got me, oh, my she told me, she was a student and didn't know much, but that she would try, until the Tech could come in. Well, she tried through the belly button, and I had told her the Dr wanted a inside one, and she said, well, I'm just going to try it this way. She asked if my bladder was full, I said, no, they just did a catheter to take a urine sample. Well, after she tried, she went to talk to the tech. I didn't see anything there, I knew, what I had felt and ultimately knew was true. I just started bawling, Matt kept saying how sorry he was. The student came back in and said we are going to try to do one inside, she got the wand ready and said here, "You put it in, and then I will look around with it" By this point, I was just screaming to myself, get the TECH in here. She looked around and couldn't find anything, I said does that mean my baby is gone, she said, I don't know, I'm not the best to answer that question. She went back out, and finally the Tech came in. She apologized for not being there to start with, I said it was okay. They were super busy that day. She looked around and asked if I had, had an ultrasound already, I answered yes, last week, that I had seen the baby and heard the heart beat. She said, I'm so sorry, so sorry. I said it would be okay, I held it together pretty well, and she said that this was the hardest part of her job. I felt horrible for the student and her. I can't imagine having to deliver that news to someone. She took pictures of my ovaries, found a large cyst on my left ovary. But, said that had nothing to do with it. She said, the uterus was clean, very clean, which if there was to be something positive, that would be it. I was grateful, because I knew with it being clean, they wouldn't have to do a DNC. The Tech apologized again and let me go to the bathroom to completely empty my bladder before I went back into the room. I got in the bathroom by myself and I lost it. I was so heart broken. I knew that he was in Heaven, but it didn't help the heart and hollowness I was feeling.
The student took me back to the room, she apologized, and I told her how sorry I was that she had to be the one to do it. I felt so bad for her. I thanked her for her help. While we were waiting, and waiting, Matt all the sudden said, "Devin is here" I said he is? He said, "yes". I will now insert what Matt has written about his experience.
June 8th 2011
Today we lost our little beloved boy Devin Matthew funk, Becky was 9 weeks along and went into the doctor at the Emergency Room. Becky had a miscarriage with the baby, I knew everything was ok; I had the opportunity to strengthen my testimony of the gospel. As I was sitting there waiting for the doctor to come back Devin visited me and encircled me with a heavenly hug, or bear hug as it felt to me. It felt like heavens doors opened up, and I felt his love and precious spirit very strongly. Devin and heavenly father had told me that everything is going to be ok, and this was the way it was suppose happen. He is now home in heaven, I believe he is my little helper along with the holy ghost to guide me through this life I am closer to our heavenly father and my testimony has grown even stronger knowing that we can be together forever.
The Dr finally came in, he sat down and said, did they tell you. I said yes, I could see there was nothing there. He apologized and told us there was nothing I did or could have done to prevent this from happening. Sometimes the baby just doesn't completely develop right and the body knows it and will get rid of it. I knew this was probably the case. Matt had assured me that Devin didn't want me to blame myself, I didn't do anything to cause it. Dr Whitaker said, he was going to call Dr Blackett, my OBGYN, and talk with her and see if there was anything else she wanted done. What a great Dr! I felt so much love and compassion from him, Matt and I apologized to him for having to start or end his day like this, that he had to deal with this today. While he was gone, there was a bathroom right next to my room, someone came in and peeded forever and was making all kinds of noises, Matt and I just started laughing. It was so funny! Then I heard a baby crying, which again brought tears to my eyes. We were finally released around 11:00 am, we were sent home with 4 prescriptions. 1 antibiotic to prevent infection, 1 pill that was suppose to make me cramp, and a Motrin and Loratab for pain. So, as we walked out, Debbie Grindy, my RS president was in the waiting room. She had come to see me and gave me a huge hug. Mom had made phone calls for me, so I wouldn't have to tell very many people. Mom has been a great blessing. What a relief to have Debbie there. She has had 3 miscarriages. I felt so loved and cared for.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Devin Matthew Funk
Tuesday night June 7, I had a hard time sleeping and just kept getting the impression, that our baby was a little boy, we had picked out the name Devin Matthew for a boy, and I felt that, this was who it was, but at the same time, I knew that he wasn't going to be with us very long. I was hoping I was wrong, that I was just paranoid. But at the same time I felt at peace, and knew that if that was to happen everything would be okay. I longed and ached for our little boy, I told him how much I loved him. And how proud I was of him. I knew he must be really special to be able to have the opportunity to return with Heavenly Father. Well I went to bed, trying to sleep. Hoping that what I felt would not be.
Devin Matthew Funk was born Wednesday, June 8, 2011. He immediately returned to our Heavenly Father. I was heart broken. I knew something was wrong. I woke up around6:00 am and started bleeding heavily. I saw what I thought was a placenta, and immediately looked through it, because I didn't want my baby to go down the toilet. I didn't find anything, so I thought maybe the baby is okay. I woke Matt up, and called the Dr. I actually called the ER and they paged the Dr on call. Dr Norda called me back and said not to worry, he could see me at 8:15 am, or I could just go to the ER, I explained a little more what was going on, but because I wasn't cramping or light headed or any of the normal symptoms of a miscarriage besides the bleeding, he thought I would be okay. But, he recommended I go to the ER just to be safe, especially where we lived in Richmond. So, Matt called mom to come over and sit with Colton. When Colton asked what was wrong, I told him,"I don't think mommy has our baby in her tummy anymore." Colton, started crying,"No, mommy, I want my baby, mommy." It just broke my heart even more.
Mom came and we left. I kept praying all the way in, please don't let this happen, but if it did, please let us be okay, and let Matt be okay. On our way to the hospital the Hospital Operator called me back, wanting to make sure the Dr called and how sorry she was, and hoped everything would turn out okay. We arrived at the ER what seemed like forever between Richmond and Logan. They checked us in at the desk, then we waited and waited. I just couldn't believe this was happening, I had just seen the baby last week and heard the heart beat, and everything seemed fine. Finally the nurse came and got me, it was Lorraine, Natalie's mom, and she isn't the best at bedside manners. She tried to take my vitals, and my first blood pressure reading was 177 over 101, she said, wow, that is high, are you a little stressed? Well, DUH! The second one wasn't much better 167 over 100, finally the Dr came in . Dr Whitaker, and talked to me and asked what had happened, then explained what we were going to do. He wanted blood work done, then he would check my uterus and see if there was any tissue. Then we would do an ultrasound. Well, I wanted the Ultra sound first, didn't these people know that I just wanted to see my baby in me, like I did last week. Well, Matt was so good and just kept talking to me and trying to keep me calm. A second nurse came in and started my IV and she was so gentle and sweet and caring, she gave me a hug as I was crying. Dr. Whitaker was amazing, so gentle and caring. When he did the uterus check, he said everything looked fine and didn't see any extra tissue and the uterus was closed, which was a good sign. So, the next step was the ultra sound. An ultrasound STUDENT came and got me, oh, my she told me, she was a student and didn't know much, but that she would try, until the Tech could come in. Well, she tried through the belly button, and I had told her the Dr wanted a inside one, and she said, well, I'm just going to try it this way. She asked if my bladder was full, I said, no, they just did a catheter to take a urine sample. Well, after she tried, she went to talk to the tech. I didn't see anything there, I knew, what I had felt and ultimately knew was true. I just started bawling, Matt kept saying how sorry he was. The student came back in and said we are going to try to do one inside, she got the wand ready and said here, "You put it in, and then I will look around with it" By this point, I was just screaming to myself, get the TECH in here. She looked around and couldn't find anything, I said does that mean my baby is gone, she said, I don't know, I'm not the best to answer that question. She went back out, and finally the Tech came in. She apologized for not being there to start with, I said it was okay. They were super busy that day. She looked around and asked if I had, had an ultrasound already, I answered yes, last week, that I had seen the baby and heard the heart beat. She said, I'm so sorry, so sorry. I said it would be okay, I held it together pretty well, and she said that this was the hardest part of her job. I felt horrible for the student and her. I can't imagine having to deliver that news to someone. She took pictures of my ovaries, found a large cyst on my left ovary. But, said that had nothing to do with it. She said, the uterus was clean, very clean, which if there was to be something positive, that would be it. I was grateful, because I knew with it being clean, they wouldn't have to do a DNC. The Tech apologized again and let me go to the bathroom to completely empty my bladder before I went back into the room. I got in the bathroom by myself and I lost it. I was so heart broken. I knew that he was in Heaven, but it didn't help the heart and hollowness I was feeling.
The student took me back to the room, she apologized, and I told her how sorry I was that she had to be the one to do it. I felt so bad for her. I thanked her for her help. While we were waiting, and waiting, Matt all the sudden said, "Devin is here" I said he is? He said, "yes". I will now insert what Matt has written about his experience.
June 8th 2011
Today we lost our little beloved boy Devin Matthew funk, Becky was 9 weeks along and went into the doctor at the Emergency Room. Becky had a miscarriage with the baby, I knew everything was ok; I had the opportunity to strengthen my testimony of the gospel. As I was sitting there waiting for the doctor to come back Devin visited me and encircled me with a heavenly hug, or bear hug as it felt to me. It felt like heavens doors opened up, and I felt his love and precious spirit very strongly. Devin and heavenly father had told me that everything is going to be ok, and this was the way it was suppose happen. He is now home in heaven, I believe he is my little helper along with the holy ghost to guide me through this life I am closer to our heavenly father and my testimony has grown even stronger knowing that we can be together forever.
The Dr finally came in, he sat down and said, did they tell you. I said yes, I could see there was nothing there. He apologized and told us there was nothing I did or could have done to prevent this from happening. Sometimes the baby just doesn't completely develop right and the body knows it and will get rid of it. I knew this was probably the case. Matt had assured me that Devin didn't want me to blame myself, I didn't do anything to cause it. Dr Whitaker said, he was going to call Dr Blackett, my OBGYN, and talk with her and see if there was anything else she wanted done. What a great Dr! I felt so much love and compassion from him, Matt and I apologized to him for having to start or end his day like this, that he had to deal with this today. While he was gone, there was a bathroom right next to my room, someone came in and peeded forever and was making all kinds of noises, Matt and I just started laughing. It was so funny! Then I heard a baby crying, which again brought tears to my eyes. We were finally released around 11:00 am, we were sent home with 4 prescriptions. 1 antibiotic to prevent infection, 1 pill that was suppose to make me cramp, and a Motrin and Loratab for pain. So, as we walked out, Debbie Grindy, my RS president was in the waiting room. She had come to see me and gave me a huge hug. Mom had made phone calls for me, so I wouldn't have to tell very many people. Mom has been a great blessing. What a relief to have Debbie there. She has had 3 miscarriages. I felt so loved and cared for.
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Reading all that makes me cry.
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